The End.
>> dimanche 19 février 2012
For once, I think I finally understand how and why people were determined to end their misery by ending their own lives...
I know this is gonna sound kinda crazy... It's just that, tonight, I really feel like I can't go on with my life anymore. Don't bother nak nasihatkan I segala. Just don't annoy me ! This is my life we are talking about, I'll do just as I please. Period.
And at one point, I feel like, nobody cares about me, nobody cares how I feel. Everybody just see me like that stubborn and stone-headed person I always make people believe. But no one knows the troubles inside my head, the thunderstorm striking my heart. No one ever tried to know the inner, the real me.
My friends who I cared much enough to try to be with them when they're troubled. The ones I always told them that I'd always be reachable for them if ever they're in need, (and I was quite the last person to know that theyve found peace). The ones I had the best of times with. No, not even my own family. Not even Mr. OH. All the more reason for me to feel much depressed...
I know I'm getting on your nerves by self-pitying Wee Pin, but I just can't help it. Because sometimes, people really worth pitying. I'm sorry. =)
At this point of time, I feel like people are taking advantage on my kindness, on my readiness to commit. On my willingness to assume the fault though it was never mine from the beginning. People around me are just having a complaisant time because of my silence.
No one seems to appreciate things I've done for them. The times I spent for them. The money I spent to be with them. My love for them. How much I cared about them. Instead, they just forget me, they hurt me over and over again. All the insults, the humiliations, the blames, being ignored...
And at this point of time, stop living seems to be the perfect solution. You know, the kind of feeling you rasa berkobar² untuk lakukan sesuatu until the hair at the back of your neck all stand up? Yes, I have that.
4 petits lutins en parlent:
No, you're not getting on my nerves...believe me, I have felt that way before too.
But sometimes people don't act like you want them to, you might feel that they are not showing you that they care, but maybe their way of showing it is just different.
Then I think, if they don't seem to care, why do I care about them? Why do I spend time, money and effort on them? There has got to be a reason...and in the end, I see all that I've done for them as in return for whatever they have done for me, instead of expecting anything more from them in the future. It still hurts when they act like they don't care, but at least I'm not asking myself why I was nice to them.
I saw this line once: "Friends come and go, but it doesn't make any of them less valuable while they were with you."
And I'm not gone yet...if ever you can't find someone to talk to ;)
i read most of ur post, but never wrote any thing, bcause i didnt see the need, n i dun think that my opinion would make any different. this post, yes. There are ppl care how u feel fzah.
Dear Wee Pin..
Thank you for your long and shall I say, motivational comment... To be honest, it touches my heart everytime I read it. Especially the last part... =)
How I couldn't possiblly be.. The ones I thought close to me just went and gone like the winds, all silent. And the one who only had spent only 3 evenings with me seems much closer...
Thank you, now I found someone who just went that much of a trouble saying those words of comfort to me. And someone who cares enough to drop such a line..
Dear Anonymous,
Are you implying that YOU care how I feel ? Maybe you can start by showing your true self and do as much as you said instead of going anonymous.
Do you care much enough to ask how I'm doing from time to time ? Or do you care to share your joy and grief with me so I'd know how a friend of mine is faring ? Or do you care to text me from time to time to ask me if I'm ok ? Or do you care enough to even have my phone number for a start ?
Do you care enough how I'd feel less alone if someone like you have dropped a line just to show that you care instead of agonizing whether or not what you have to say would make any difference to my life ?
If it helps to solve your puzzle, yes, what you say will bring a whole lot differences. Yes, it says "you're perfectly happy with your own life but you still haven't ditched me." that much is enough.
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